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Saturday, 12 January 2013

O Dark Thirty

Current Book:Stardust, Neil Gaiman 

Well, as of yesterday I've been thirty for a month. Passing that milestone has freaked me out like few things ever have. Turning 19. Getting my first couch. Signing my first cell phone contract. All of those were marks of becoming an adult. This- this is the first 'hey, you're already a grown up, so now what the hell are you going to do about everything you were going to have and do and be by now?

It's kind of like looking back and realizing that once we were all sure that we'd be riding around in hover cars, cancer would be cured, and we'd have stopped global warming thanks to our Kids For saving the Earth clubs (am I the only one that remembers those?)

I always thought I'd have a degree of some type, own my own house, have my first (naturally bestselling) book out, have four children I stayed at home with, and have a fantastic husband that adored me and our cookie-cutter lives. Twenty nine was a rough, painful year. But it got me here, and it got me thinking. I'm not where I'd thought I would be and I think I'm a stronger person for it.

Yes, I'm thirty now. It means my boobs aren't as perky because they've fed a child. It means that instead of a degree, I have life experience that is just as valuable. I gave up writing because forts and movies, cuddles and family dance parties take my time. I work, and my child that is so much more then I ever dreamed has new experiences in daycare- ones that I wouldn't have thought to teach him. And as for the husband that adores me? Well, I adore him too.

My twenties are gone. I went from girl to woman, from daughter to mother, and from single to wife.
I had some horrible losses- but some miraculous gains. I fell in love, not once, but twice with husband and son. I learned that even when things feel like the universe is against you, when your body is wracked with pain that's nothing compared to your  mind, life goes on, it gets better, and eventually, it will be ok again.

Maybe, this decade is about building and evolving rather then discovering.  I think I can handle that.